This post comes from my old Friendster blog. Ow. Friendster. It’s been 2 years since I’ve last visited it.  Anyway this poem was a note given to me a few years back when I was still bumming around in Los Baños.

I  like its melacholic spirit that I kept it for a time only to rediscover it again floating around the internet.  Amazingly the original was written by someone using the nick “teng”.  It was submitted to a website (i forgot which) and edited again by a certain “mimi”. However, the note given to me had additional words that I think did not come from “teng”. The additional words are in bold characters below.

Still it is a great poem.  I could almost see her again but not that clear anymore as someone has already taken permanent residence in my heart.  This time forever.

A Two Timer’s Goodbye

I guess I will never forget your smile. The number of times you gave it
to me, I can count in the fingers of my one hand. Oftentimes, I would
steal it. You would be talking to a friend, your eyes would light up,
and there it would be – that smile. I would then remind myself that I
shouldn’t enjoy watching you. My heart belonged to someone else. And I
would remember that the smile that made me so happy could never be mine
to keep. Never was, never will be. 

I guess I will never forget that glance. The way you look at me, and the
way you are so silent. You are always at a loss for words. I would ask
you something and the answer would never come. You’d just give me a
smile – that smile – and the question is lost to oblivion. And I
wouldn’t mind, because the twinkle in your eye that I would catch as our
glances meet for a split second – it would be response enough. Then I
would remember that the glance that answered a thousand of my questions
could never be mine to keep. Never was, never will be.

I guess I will never forget that whisper. The way I had so carelessly
let you know about how I felt. It was something done at the spur of the
moment, for it seemed like the right thing to do. I believed that a
feeling as wonderful as that need not be kept. As I gathered my courage
and thought of the right words, it happened. I had said it. In that
brief instant between the past and the future, I had dared to take the
risk of a crucial revelation. And as much as I dreaded it, I had to
remember that one careless whisper has put my heart on the line, for
your love will never be mine to keep. Never was, never will be.

I guess I will never forget that night. The way we had watched the evening
sky surrender to the breaking dawn. For there at the highest point of Hell,
I was closest to Heaven. There under the warmth of your embrace and the
comforting scent of your presence I saw a falling star streak across the heavens. Hey, make a wish you whispered into my ear. And I prayed with all my heart and soul for time to stand still so that I could spend forever in your embrace. But your heart was no wish a star could ever grant. I silently dried my tears  against your chest as you pressed your lips into my hair. Then I would remember the embrace that lifted me up to Heaven can never be mine. Never was, never will be.

I guess I will never forget all the words said, all the things done, all
the feelings felt. No matter how I try to undo everything, this is my
inescapable reality. I never thought I would allow myself to fall for
someone in the middle of another relationship, much less because I
promised that I wouldn’t allow myself to fall for you. Yet it happened,
and I was rendered powerless. But now, I am reminded of the actual state
of things. I am reminded of what I have to do. I am reminded that even
if I hurt myself in the process, I have to move on and put behind me my
feelings for you. Because you will never, ever be mine. Never was, never
will be.

 From experience, I know that forgetting is one of the hardest things to
do. More so if it is against the will of one’s mind and heart. Maybe
someday I’ll learn to forget you, and how it felt to almost have you.
Maybe someday you’ll forget about me, and the sheer complexity and
beauty of the smiles, glances, touches and words that we once shared.
Maybe then we will be reminded of this story, our story, and think that love was
never meant to be ours. Never was, never will be…